A S T O R Y A B O U T L O V E
by naughty-nun
Summary: Addison and Derek have a rocky marriage until Derek decides he doesn't want to loose his wife and kids, everything seems to go their way until they're met by tragedy. Do they survive or does Derek once again goes running for the hills?
1. Internal Dialogue

**A S T O R Y A B O U T L O V E .**

Chapter one – Internal Dialogue

_It must have been hard; staying in line_

_knowing your influences did it all the time_

_It must have been strange; living in blue_

_and see me shut down as though_

_it was an easy thing to do_

_But you could tell where I had been_

_by the way I held my gun_

_Trying to write anything while being_

_mocked by an off beat drum_

_But I was not honest_

_I was not healthy_

_I was not honest, honest._

_You did the right thing, covered your scars_

_Challenged your faith_

_and closed your eyes driving cars_

_For all that they knew you were safe home_

_But you went through hell_

_whenever you were left alone_

_But you could see where I had been_

_from the pictures that they took_

_I tried to look positive at things,_

_Faced myself but didn't look_

_That was not honest_

_I was not healthy_

_I am not honest, honest._

_I wish you could see yourself through my eyes_

_There's no need to cling to unnecessary lies_

_The voice in your head whose spirit you stole_

_left you for dead but you dug the hole_

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd stepped into her 5 year old son's bedroom; Jamie was supposed to be asleep seeing it was already past 7 o'clock but Addison knew her son better than that, so as suspected, when she walked into his bedroom she saw her son under the blankets with his flashlight on.

She slowly walked further into the room, making sure to not make any noise before she jumped on the bed and wrapped her arms around the tiny bundle of blankets, pillows and stuffed animals where her son was supposed to be.

"A my little monster don't you know it's already past your bedtime?'' She asked in a pirate-like tone.

"Mommy I was already asleep you woke me up!'' Jamie said, faking a yawn.

"You little liar, haven't I told you that if you tell lies, your nose will grow and grow until it's so long everyone will see that you're a liar?'' She asked while tickling him.

"That's not true! That's not true!'' Jamie yelped out, trying to get away from his mom's hands.

"Oh really and how do you know that?''

"Well I've never seen anyone with a really big nose, except for .''

"Jamie!''

"But doesn't tell lies, she's very nice so you're the one telling lies here.''

"Am not.'' Addison replied cocky, although she laughed at her son's ability to tell people wrong.

"Am too!''

"Nuh-uh, mommies don't tell lies.''

"You're mad.'' Jamie said giggling.

"You're crazy.''

"You're crazier.''

"But now my crazy pirate, you have to sleep because it's late and your mad mom still has lots of things to do.''

"Night mommy.''

"Sweet dreams monster I love you.'' Addison said while giving him a kiss atop of his curly brown hair.

"Me you too.'' He said while stuffing his favourite stuffed animal –an elephant- under his arm before closing his eyes to drift off to sleep.

Addison smiled at her son and then walked out of the room and went down the stairs where her 6 month old baby girl Charlie was asleep in her crib.

"Oh I see you're asleep already my little baby.'' Addison softly cooed and picked her up just when she started to wake up.

"It's okay sweetie it's just mommy you can go back to sleep.''

She walked up the same stairs again and softly laid her in her bed.

When she was downstairs again she stood at the kitchen counter and looked out of the window.

She sighed deeply.

During the day she managed, she was a surgeon, a wife and a mom but during the evenings; when she already went to work, the kids were asleep and the husband was gone she was Addison just Addison.

And then she wondered…was it really bad to be just Addison?

Because most people would want her life in the blink of an eye, or so they thought.

But Montgomery-Shepherd really wasn't that perfect nor happy.

She's practically raising two children on her own, because her husband is always at work or God knows where and work was really the only time she could pretend to be in one piece and actually believe it herself, because she did good things, she saved women, mothers and babies, she does good things right?

As I turn away from the window I look into the kitchen, it was spotless I cleaned nearly the whole house when Jamie was at school. Charlie slept through most of the day, which is understandable, seeing she cried the whole night and Derek, Derek was working of course.

Derek the man whom I've been calling my husband for 11 years and my best friend for 15.

I actually don't remember much of my life before Derek, well of course I still have those memories, mostly bad ones, like the ones where my dad was an alcoholic and beat my mom, my brother, little sister and I and the memories of him jumping out of the window.

I was 13 back then and was in my first year of high school I prayed every night that my dad would pull through rehab and would come out as a better –non alcoholic- dad.

It was July 18 when he came back home, he looked sad, my dad whom all his life had this certain anger in his eyes, my dad who would walk with his back straight, daring people to comment him.

He was a great business man, that dad of mine but he was a horrible person, I hated him with all my heart but the man who walked down the gravel after 6 months wasn't my dad, this man had a lost sad look in his eyes like life had finally caught up with him, just like my mom looked after all those years.

And I was glad.

I felt this certain feeling of justice, I felt like I battled against the world and won the war, I knew I was supposed to feel sad for him, for the look in his eyes but I didn't and neither did I care.

I was sitting in class when I heard the news; it must've been about 2 months later, when I got called out by the headmaster.

When I walked towards the headmaster's office I saw my mom sitting there with my 18 year old brother Jonathon and my 7 year old sister Ada.

When they told me my dad had committed suicide I cried, I nearly cried my heart out, this man, my dad, the guy who I spend most of my life hating, was dead and I felt guilty.

Guilty for hating him while he was sick, everybody kept telling me he was sick and it was not his fault but I wouldn't listen to them.

And now he was gone and I would never have the chance to love him again, ever.

As I walk into the laundry room I start to get the clothes out of the washer, my skirts, blouses and lingerie, Jamie's jeans and t-shirts and Charlie's little onesies, and only one shirt of Derek, one shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.

I miss Derek, I miss him so much since he became so fucking absent.

It has been like this ever since Charlie was born, when I got pregnant with her we were so happy, Derek would take Jamie to the playground or the cinema so I could relax a little.

I laugh at the memory of Derek taking Jamie to the Pokemon movie, Jamie had begged him for weeks to go with him and had run screaming through the house when Derek had finally given in.

But after Charlie was born he would hardly ever spend time with us, he ignored me and only spoke to me if needed.

He would still do things with Jamie though, thank God but I felt so sad for my little girl, Derek neglected her most of the time he never wants to feed her or dress her or even play with her.

And I can't think of a reason, Charlie was a beautiful little baby who has done nothing but bring happiness and still her father doesn't give shit about her.

Tears spring into my eyes as I think of my little baby girl, praying that Derek won't become my dad.

That's when I scare myself by thinking of Derek as my dad, Derek doesn't hit his children or his wife and neither is he drunk everyday.

I catch myself hoping that Derek will scream at me, get mad or maybe even hit me, at least that way he acknowledges there is something wrong, instead of ignoring the family we created and pretend everything is okay.

I wipe away my tears and continue folding the laundry when I hear the backdoor in the kitchen opening; I quickly turn around and slowly walk out of the laundry room which is next to the kitchen I abruptly stop when I see Derek looking at me.

"Addi." He says, and I feel my heart missing a beat, he finished his shift 30 minutes ago but he never came home at least hours after.

"Hey." I softly say, trying to look as normal and collected as possible.

When he closes the backdoor and sets down his briefcase he walks towards me and I see him looking at me;

I gasp at this, and it's pathetic really, the most normal thing in the world, a husband looking at his wife, shocks me; he hasn't done this in what feels like decades.

He walks over to the fridge like there's noting wrong and pulls out a beer

"Want one too hun?" He asks.

"No thanks I'm fine." I answer him, still shocked; He sits down on one of the chairs at the island and I notice him looking at me as he takes a swing of his beer.

"So how was your day?"

"Normal."

"The kids?"

"Sweet, I didn't have to drag Jamie upstairs for once and Charlie has been a good girl like she always is."

"Good and you?"

"I'm fine." I lie, a little too quickly perhaps so I decide to change the subject. "How was your day?"

"Busy, lots of people coming in for dehydration and fainting, I think this is the hottest summer Seattle has ever experienced."

"Yeah probably…so you worked in the pit?" I ask him although I already know the answer and I can't help but feel my chest tighten painfully as I think of how Derek would rather spend time in the pit then with his family.

"Yep." He answers and I hope he doesn't hear my sigh. "So I was wondering," he continues, "I have the day off tomorrow so maybe we could do something with the kids."

"You have the day off?" I ask him incredulously, somewhat sarcastic maybe.

"Yeah."

"No one who wanted to go home instead?" I said, my thoughts leaving my mouth before I realize it.

"Actually, I asked for the day off." He says casually, setting his empty beer bottle on the counter.

I look at him for a few moments before asking him why.

"Why not? I want to spent some time with my family."

"That's new." I reply, rubbing the bridge of my nose before I take a deep sigh.

"I know." He whispers.

"Well that's great, but I'm afraid you can better call in at work because Jamie has a play date tomorrow."

"So? You're going to be home tomorrow right and Charlene?"

"Wow so you do know our daughters name?"

"Addison!"

"Anyway I wouldn't want to keep you away from the hospital with its great people and awesome surgeries." I spat and I hate myself for nearly breaking down in front of him.

"What are you telling me that I should quit my job?"

"No whoever told you that, it sure wasn't me, seeing we never talk anymore."

"I'm providing for my family here." He yells unbelieving, ignoring my comment

"Providing for your family, Oh Derek you are such a joke…we're rich! Providing for your family doesn't just mean having enough money."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"No I actually think you don't Derek.''

"You're wrong.''

"Than why don't you act like it?'' I yell back at him and wipe furiously at the tears that are rolling over my cheeks.

"I don't know! I'm sorry okay, I'm sorry I treat you like shit and that I never spend time with Jamie and Charlene.'' He says desperately and he lets his head fall in his hands. "I just don't know, but today I realised how quick things can end and when I came home I just hoped everything could be back how they used to be, I guess I just didn't realise how much I screwed things up.''

"What made you realise?'' I softly ask him.

"Today this woman came in with her child, the girl fell from the swing at the playground; I quickly examined the girl and nothing seemed to be wrong but we made a CAT-scan just to be sure and in the waiting room she suddenly collapsed…she was dead in a few minutes Addison…'''

"I'm sorry about that.'' I whisper, knowing how hard it is when a patient dies but it's even worse when it's a child.

"And her dad came in later, when she was already gone; His wife phoned him when she was in the hospital but he didn't think it was important enough.''

"You can't blame the guy Derek, when a child falls off a swing it's usually not that bad.'' I say softly, trying to comfort him, feeling my own anger fade away.

"I know and I'm not blaming the guy but I couldn't help but thinking that could've been Jamie or Charlie and that guy could be me, the father who will never be able to see his daughter again.''

"Derek, what happened to that family today is absolutely horrible, but Jamie and Charlie are not dead, they're sleeping upstairs.''

"I know but that's when I realised I had everything that that father could ever wish for, a beautiful wife and two healthy children and I'm throwing it away.''

"You're right you are."

"But I want that to change Addison, tell me it's not too late to change." Derek tells me as he walks over and grabs my hands, I stare at our hands and wonder what to tell him. I want to tell him that it's not too late but is he telling me the truth or is this just a temporarily thing?

"I don't know Derek but I can't go on like this."

"I'm sorry Addi, I'm so sorry for acting like a total jackass, but please, please give me another chance."

I take a deep breath and try to look everywhere but Derek but his eyes are forcing me to look into them.

"Okay." I whisper, barely audible before he draws me closer and hugs me tightly.

"Thank you, I promise you it'll be okay now baby."

"Yeah, I hope so."

_& I can tell where you have been,_

_from the marks around your wrists._

_The red water washed away your sins,_

_but are you as pure as this?_


	2. If You'll Stay In My Past

**A S T O R Y A B O U T L O V E .**

Chapter 2 – If You'll Stay In My Past

_I understand_

_That you will one day love again_

_And that it's selfish of me to_

_want to ask_

_If you can only live off the _

_memory of me._

_So please stay in my past_

I wake by the sound of feet patting against the hard wooden floor.

"Daddy!" Jamie yells out as soon as he sees Derek lying next to me.

"Hey buddy" Derek says softly, helping Jamie to get up on the bed.

"You're home" He says excited.

"Ssshh not so loud, you're going to wake your mom" Derek quickly whispers to him, clearly thinking I'm still asleep although I just have my eyes closed.

"Sorry but I'm really _really_ happy that you're here"

"Me too bud, me too"

"How much longer till you have to go?"

"Go where?"

"The hospital of course"

"I don't have to go the hospital I have the day off"

"Cool can we play catch than?"

"Of course, there's nothing I'd rather do" Derek answers and I smile at the sincere in his tone.

"Awesome! Can we go play catch now?"

"Right now?" Derek asks and laughs when Jamie nods "No not right now, it's like 6 in the morning''

"Daaaaaaad!''

"I have the whole day off, when I get up we can play catch until you drop dead"

"Well okay then but I must warn you I have become really good at it!''

"Oh did you?''

"Yeah I even taught mommy how to throw''

"Wow you did get good then didn't you?!'' Derek laughs and I try to resist the strong urge to slap his chest.

"I did well go sleep then and wake up quick I'm gonna play in my room''

"Okay but don't make any loud noises that causes your sister to wake up''

"I won't!''

"Okay you can stop pretending now'' Derek says to me when Jamie is out of the room.

"I saw you smiling Addi you can give up your act as Sleeping Beauty now'' Derek laughs and I try to keep as still as possible without laughing "Okay you leave me no other option'' He says, bending down and furiously starts kissing my neck while tickling my sides.

"Derek no! No stop that right now!'' I gasp out

"Oh look who's awake now huh'' He mumbles into my neck, stopping the tickling.

"You're here'' I say and smile at him

"Of course I'm here'' Derek says and places a sweet, tender kiss on my lips and then looks up into my eyes and I instantly start blushing.

"What are you blushing for Mrs. Shepherd?'' he asks laughing slightly.

"I'm not blushing'' I say quickly, blushing even more.

"Yes you are'' He smirks "I love you''

"I love you too…it feels good to hear that again''

"It feels even better to say it again''

"I feel like I'm still dreaming'' I whisper softly.

"You're not'' He replies smiling and I feel my heart flutter.

"I know'' I bend forward and kiss him, softly at first but when he places his left hand on my cheek I feel the need to have more I placed both of my hands on his face, my hands pulling him closer to me so he moves on top of me.

Hmm I hear him moan into my mouth and he starts tugging my top up, his hands wondering over my stomach.

I hesitate slightly but it's apparently enough for Derek to notice because he immediately stops.

"Too soon?'' He asks, and I'm grateful that he asks it himself so I don't have to explain it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry…''

"Don't be'' He smiles at me "I understand''

"Are you sure?'' I ask unsure.

"Yes of course, let's just cuddle for a little longer''

"Before mini-Derek wants to play catch'' I say laughing.

"Or the little redhead in the other room starts crying'' He smirks and strokes my cheek, he moves his mouth to my ear and whispers "Kissing is okay though right?''

"Yes'' I answer breathlessly, his lips and heavy breath on my ears making me tingle from head to toe.

"Good'' He replies before attacking my neck.

I moan deeply as he starts to kiss the spot behind my ear and moves his lips to my neck once again.

I groan when I hear Charlie crying "Someone has decided she's hungry" I push Derek back slightly so I can move off the bed put he grabs my arm.

"I'll get her" He says smiling, pecking my lips one last time before getting off the bed.

I stare at the roof smiling for several minutes, although Derek's sudden change in behaviour is confusing me, I can't help but secretly pray this will last.

I get ripped out of my thoughts when I see Derek walking in with our baby girl in his arms.

"Look who we've got here" he says grinning, looking at her and I notice that Charlie isn't crying anymore but she's looking from me to Derek and then back at me again

"Hey baby" I say with an animated voice while he sits down on our bed and lets Charlie sit on his lap "You okay sweetie?"

"Yeah I guess she just needed her mommy"

"Or her daddy"

"Maybe" He says, looking at our girl with a sad look.

I pick her up from his lap and give her a kiss on her fuzzy head before rubbing my nose against hers, making her giggle.

"Addie could I uhm…could I hold her for a second?" Derek asks insecure

"Of course" I reply and hand her over to him but as soon as Derek tries to take her from me she clings her tiny hands around my neck and starts crying "Hey baby what's wrong, daddy just wants to cuddle with you"

I try to calm Charlie down, rubbing my hand over her small back "Ssshh it's okay don't cry" I look at Derek apologetic and stroke my hand over his face and whisper 'I'm sorry'

"No I am, I shouldn't have done that, she probably doesn't even remember who I am"

"Derek don't be silly of course she does, you're her father"

"Yeah but how's she supposed to know that?" he says, his voice cracking slightly "I'm never here"

"But you are now" I whisper reassuring, not sure whether it was supposed to be to me or him "But sweetie, you have to give her some time to get used to this, she's too young to understand, hell I'm not even sure if I understand it yet"

"I know but…sometimes when I came back from work I would go into her room and watch her sleep, I could watch her sleep for hours but now I'm just like a stranger to her…''

"It's not too late Derek''

"I hope so''

"I know so" I tell him winking "Here take her"

"Add…"

"It's not too late" I give him a stern look "Hold her"

He gently lifts Charlie out of my arms and holds her.

"Hey sweetie" he smiles at her when she reached for his hair "Hey"

"I'm going to take Jamie downstairs for breakfast, why don't you change her diaper and dress her and I'll see you downstairs in a few"

"Okay but what if she starts crying?" Derek asks uncertain.

"Then you calm her down, just walk through the room with her and sing 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'"

"Mary Had A Little Lamb?"

"Yes. God sometimes I think she just cries to make me sing that song"

"Okay then" he laughs when I lean down and give him a quick kiss on the lips "And mommy will see you in a few minutes again, now don't start throwing a tantrum at your daddy okay?" I kiss the top of her head, get off the bed and walk towards Jamie's room

"Hey Kiddo"

"Hey mommy"

"Watcha doin?" I ask and sit down beside him.

"Playing with my dinosaurs, wanna play too?"

"What about we play after breakfast?" I tame down his curly black hair and roll my eyes when he ruffles it again.

"Okay then you can be the mommy dinosaur"

"Awesome"

"Up" he says when we're both on our feet, throwing his arms up.

"You're too old for this" I sigh and pick him up.

"Nuh-uh then how come I'm too young to watch 'The Godfather' but I'm too old for this?" He asks, referring to Derek's all-time favourite. Jamie and Derek both must've begged me a thousand times to watch that movie but from my POV that's no children's movie.

"Because I'm your mother and I'm telling you so"

"You're a mean mommy"

"Say that again and you won't get any extra chocolate cornflakes" I smirk

"You're the best mommy in the world!" he says quickly when we walk down the stairs.

"That's my boy"

_& I understand _

_That we can never speak again_

_And your resentment towards me_

_Will last_

_And I will let you forget me_

_If you'll stay in my past._


	3. Lose Control

**A S T O R Y A B O U T L O V E .**

Chapter 3 – Lose Control

_--_

_Shame on you for making me wait_

_Time and time again you're too late_

_And I'm about to make a mistake_

_so please hurry babe_

_just hurry_

_You might as well just take it from me_

_You said that I should take it from you_

_but I don't know if I agree_

_so please hurry babe_

_but don't you worry._

_--_

"TV off!"

"No 5 more minutes"

"Off now"

"No!" Jamie yells at me while he grabs the remote control.

"James Ryce Shepherd you give me that remote right now"

"No"

"Jamie…" I glance at my son sternly, putting a hand on my hip to let him know I'm serious.

"What?" he dares me.

"Give me the remote"

"Or?"

"Jamie you give that remote control to your mother immediately" A stern voice says.

Jamie walks over to me, looking angrily at me while handing me the remote.

"Thank you"

"Not really" he mumbles.

"Don't talk to her like that" Derek says walking over to Jamie with Charlie in his arms.

"Okay" he says, looking guiltily at his feet.

"Good"

"Okay everyone ready for breakfast now?" I sigh, glad that I finally didn't have to deal with a 5 year old on my own.

"Definitely, smells great"

"Thank you, at least someone appreciates my cooking" I peck his cheek and then look at Charlie "Come here little one then we'll give you a nice warm bottle"

"Uhm Add would you mind if I well if I would give her her bottle today?"

"No, no of course not" I respond, a little taken back, non the less happy that he's asking though.

"What are we going to do today?" Jamie asks while he makes a smiley face on his pancake with syrup.

"What do you want to do?"

"Can I chose?" he asks enthusiastic and I laugh, knowing he's got something in mind.

"Uhm okay"

"Okay can we go to Disneyland then?"

I roll my eyes "No"

"Why not?"

"We're not going to Disneyland today"

"Why?"

I sigh but still smile at him, knowing that in his 5 year old brain you just have to snap your fingers to get there.

"Because it's in California which is really far"

"But we went there before!"

"Well yeah but we stayed for a few days"

"And why can't we stay there now?"

"Because you have to book in advance"

"Oh" he says disappointing and I can almost see little wheels in his head running on overdrive to think of another way to get us to Disneyland.

"Actually Addi we could go…" Derek jumps in, laying Charlie over his shoulder to burp.

"What? Derek no we can't make a trip to California just to stay in the park for an hour and then to go back again"

"Yes we can, you have the week off and I could too"

"You can't just take a week off, you're a brain surgeon"

"You're a neonatal surgeon, a world-renown one none the less"

"Well I have the week off because my son has vacation"

"If I remember correctly he's my son too"

"Yeah but I'm the mother"

"Addie why don't you want to go to Disneyland"

"Because…" I start sighing and look at Jamie who is following our discussion closely "Because of reasons we shouldn't discuss in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N"

"Well then let's not discuss them in front of the _children_" Derek says annoying "Jamie, mom and I need to talk for a minute in the living room okay"

"Okay but please tell her we should go to Disneyland" Jamie whispers back, loud enough for me to hear of course.

"I'll do my best buddy"

We walk towards the living room and Derek lies Charlie down in her crib which is stood next to the couch.

"Okay why don't you want to go to Disneyland for a few days?"

"Because Derek, you suddenly start to be all husband/father-like and I don't think it's good for us nor our children to just spin our live upside down once again"

"Well Jamie doesn't seem to bother"

"Of course not, the kid is glad his dad is finally home again but I can't just let this happen just so you can grow absent and indifferent later again" I say, crossing my arms.

"Addison you don't get it do you, I'm not going to be absent again, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere"

"And I'm just supposed to trust you on your pretty blue eyes? Derek you are the one who's not getting it here, if you suddenly decide work is more fun after all then I'm stuck with two heartbroken children again and don't think Charlie doesn't get what's going on, she might be little but she definitely knows there's something going on"

"I'm not going to be absent again Addison damnit! I love you and I love Charlie and Jamie, do you want me to quit my job for that? I think I'm already proving you that by taking a week off to go to Disneyland, if anyone is being indifferent right now, it's you"

"I'm not being indifferent, I'm protecting my family"

"Which I am part of too"

I look away from him find an interesting spot on the wall which I look at, avoiding his gaze.

"Let me prove it Addison"

"Are you sure you can get a week off?"

"Yes"

"Entirely sure Derek? Because if we're going to tell Jamie that we're going you can't cancel when you can't get a week off"

"I can take a week off Addison"

"Because he'll be heartbroken and I can't take two children to California by myself" I rant on, not noticing he's already walking away

"Where are you going?"

"Calling the chief I need a week off" he answers smiling.

"Oh"

I walk into the kitchen and see Jamie running back to his chair, pretending to eat his breakfast and I shake my head laughing "Finished breakfast yet?"

"Almost"

"Okay"

He plays with the food on his plate, pretending to not have heard our discussion.

"Daddy's calling work to see if we can go"

"Okay" he says, looking down on his plate.

"Hey come here for a second" I say to him and he climbs of the chair and runs towards me, hugging my legs.

"What's wrong sweetie?" I scoot down to his level and kiss the top of his head.

"Why are you mad at daddy, he didn't do anything" he sobs into my chest.

"Oh honey you don't need to worry about daddy and me, I'm not mad at him we we're just talking"

"Really?" he asks uncertain

"Yeah really"

"Hey! What's going on in here?" Derek asks when he walks into the kitchen and sees me and Jamie in a hug.

"Nothing we were just talking, right sweetheart?"

"Yeah" Jamie smiles and cuddles closer to me.

"Well okay you better get packing then because we are going to Disneyland!"

"We are?!" he says excited and runs over to Derek.

"Yes we are"

& My back is acing, my feet are sore

But I'm still waiting, looking for more

I'm gonna stay here on the floor

but just you hurry babe

oh just hurry.


	4. Long Time Coming

**A S T O R Y A B O U T L O V E .**

Chapter Four – Long Time Coming

_Your patronizing stare can watch me heal. _

_What I would give for you to tae the wheel _

_It's just been a long time coming _

_The strong resemblance to my mother's womb _

_is the reason why I will not leave this room _

_It's been a long time coming _

_The lack of self-esteem has grown on me _

_I'm not as strong as I appear to be _

_It's been a long time coming_

_My flesh makes little sense compared to yours _

_I wish my restlessness would open doors _

_It's just been a long time coming_

"All set?" Derek asks when he walks back into the house after throwing the luggage in the trunk.

"Yeah how late is our flight?"

"10.''

"Yay two hours on a plane with two fuzzy children." I fake enthusiasm.

"Come on, stay positive it won't be that bad."

"Forgot the last time we flew with Jamie?" I question, raising an eyebrow.

The last time we flew Jamie was 1 and didn't stop crying and screaming until we landed.

"That was like 4 years ago, he's older now."

"Yeah now we have a 6 month old."

"You think she's going to make a scene?" He looks at me and I nod. "Aww you little princess, are just a big drama queen like your mom?" Derek says in a sing-y voice to Charlie.

"Don't listen to your dad." I shoot him a glare.

"I was just kidding, although you know how to make a scene—ouch!" He yelps out when I pinch his arm.

"You're such a child."

He mumbles a reply but I don't hear him instead I walk with Charlie into the kitchen, grabbing the diaper bag.

"Can you get Jamie?"

"He's already been in the car for half an hour." Derek says laughing. "He even asked me if he could help me with the luggage."

I let out a small laugh and walk closer to him, smiling.

"What's with that smile on your face?"

"Nothing, can't I just be happy for once?"

"No of course you can." He smiles back.

"I mean, look at you, suddenly all husband/daddy-like, I feel like I could wake up any minute."

"Well this is reality Add, you deserve to be happy."

"Yeah but…that still doesn't mean we haven't got issues to work." I say, shifting Charlie, who was asleep, against my chest.

"True, I'm not denying that but could we for this week not think about that?"

"Of course, we're just going to be happy this week."

"We are." He leans in for a kiss and I quickly kiss him back, although he caught me off guard.

"Are we there yet?" Jamie asks impatiently.

"No we aren't."

"How long?"

"Long."

"How long is long?"

"Long."

"You just said that."

"Jamie please." I respond annoyed.

"But mommy my movie ended and I'm bored!"

"Hold on there bud, you can see another movie." Derek patiently said, putting another DVD in the portable.

"Now you're just showing off." I whisper.

"Hey anything to impress my girl right."

"Right." I shake my head laughing, grunting when Charlie began to cry next to Jamie.

"Mommy, mommy make her stop!" He cries out, covering his ears.

"Jamie calm down, we can't stop here, try singing her something okay."

He nods, remembering she would always calm down when I sung a song for her.

"The wheels of the bus go round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus go round and round all through t—Mommy she doesn't stop!" He yells, making me more desperate because we can't stop on the middle of a busy road.

"Sshh calm down baby, mommy is right here see, she's right here." I try to calm down the crying baby, my hands just long enough to stroke her sock clad feet.

"There's a gas station where we can stop."

"Thank God.'' I breathe out.

"See what was all that fuss about?" I coo to the now content girl who's sweetly drinking her bottle while Derek and Jamie are getting something to eat.

"Hey beautiful." Derek sneaks up behind me. "I got you something." He gives me a sandwich over my shoulder and lightly kisses my neck.

I turn my head to the side and kiss his lips. "Thanks I'm starving."

"Yeah this seemed more tasteful than those gross sandwiches you have in the car, I got Jamie an ice-cream"

"Ice-cream?" I raise an eyebrow at him, darn well aware of how my little guy manages to smear ice-cream all over himself.

"He wanted ice-cream Add, how can I refuse a 5 year old ice-cream?"

"Hhmm where is he now?"

"Playground." He points at the small playground next to the parking lot where I see him sliding of the slide excitedly.

"I'm glad we decided to go." I detach the bottle from Charlie's lips as she already fell asleep.

"We're not on the plane yet so don't yell yay too soon."

Rolling my eyes I answer. "Still, I do."

"Me too." He answers quickly, capturing my lips between his.

When we walk towards the car 10 minutes later Charlie instantly starts crying when I try to buckle her up in the car seat.

"Oh oh baby, you don't like to sit in the car seat now do you?" I coo to her in an attempt to calm her down.

"I think she'd rather cuddle with her mom." Derek says, laughing slightly as he buckles Jamie's seat belt, who is talking to him about the cool slide.

"Hmm yeah, do you think I could hold her in my lap until she's calmed down?"

"Addison no, you know how dangerous that is!"

"But Derek she won't stop crying and we can't stay here for longer because we will miss our flight." I explain hopelessly and see that Derek is considering it.

"Okay until she's sleeping, then we'll stop somewhere and lay her in the car seat again." He replies and detaches the baby car seat from the back seat and holds it out to put Charlie in it.

"There ya go."

I sit down in the passenger's seat and Derek gives me the baby seat to hold in my lap.

"You've got her?"

"Yeah."

Derek makes his way around the car and sits down in the driver's seat. "There we go again."

"Daddy who is your favourite Superhero: Superman, Spiderman or Batman?"

"Well that's a rather hard question! Let me think." Derek pretends to debate between the answers. "Hmm Superman."

"That's my favourite Superhero too!" Jamie yells out excitedly and Derek chuckles because he only chose that answer because he knows Jamie loves Superman.

"Really, now who would've thought?"

"Where is Charlie, where is Charlie?" I say in an exciting voice as I play Peek-a-boo with her and cover my eyes. "Oh there is Charlie." I say surprised when I remove my hands, which makes her let out a giggle followed by some baby gurgling. "Yes there is my pretty pretty girl!"

"What is that moron doing?" Derek yells out when the car in front of us suddenly slows speed before increasing it again.

"Derek calm down."

"The guy in front of us is driving like a maniac!" He says frustrated, when the car begins to swing over the road.

Derek rolls down the window and pokes his head out. "Hey asshole there are children in the car!"

"Son of a b-!" He tries to slam the breaks in time when the car in front of us suddenly stops, but the car slips through and slams into the other one with a loud crash.

All I hear is loud screams and cries until the sound gets harder and harder for me to hear and I slip out of conscious…

& My lullaby sounds more like distant screams

I wake up sleep deprived after every dream

It's been a long time coming


End file.
